Hobbit Holiday XI The Hobbits: The Desolation of Smooth 7th and 8th of September 2013 Saturday 7th September: Begin at Goosnargh where at Ye Horns Inn. Exchanging hobbit lore and legends whilst sampling some of the best ale and food in the East Farthing from the hours of 11.30am till 3.00pm. Walk 3 miles to Chipping, possibly via The Dog and Partridge. Evening at the Tillotsons Arms for plain, wholesome hobbit fare and ale. Accomodated at the Halls of Mandos barn. Sunday 8th September: Hearty Hobbits' breakfast at The Tillotsons then farewells to master Curly and fellows to continue our journey to The Bayley Arms hopefully with a shortcut (shortcuts make long delays) to The Newdrop Inn, Odder Bridge. Visited places en route Ye Horns Inn The Dog and Partridge The Tillotsons Arms The Newdrop Inn The Bayley Arms

Please take time to read the following missive, carefully. In advance of the stock, sigh-inducing accusation, I am happy to declare that this entire compendium of pertinent information has been written during successive dinner times and at other times of my own. And as a special Acceptable Use Policy extra, I am delighted to rebuff the darts of the accuser with the news that this was sent from my Hotmail account. Go on, Legolas, how about that, then?
  
It should not have escaped your attention that the next Hobbit Holiday (XIth, in a series of unending gladsomeness, manumission and felicity), "The Hobbits: the Desolation of Smooth" (I’m still in wonderment at Legolas’ immensely creative faculty), starts on Saturday 8thSeptember 2013 4th Age, by Shire reckoning.
  
To allow all Middle Earthlings to plan using single-source information, I am proud to present this year's all-encompassing epistle (St Bandobras' umpteenth letter to the Fellowship, if you will. Or even if you won’t).

 ROUTE TO HURST GREEN (from Saddleworth).
Head north on the M66. Continue to follow as the M66 becomes the A56. Go straight on through the roundabout. At the next roundabout, as the road crosses the M65, go straight on, on to the A6068. After 1.5 miles, turn left on to the A671 (Whalley Road). Turn right after 3 miles, which is still the A671 (Accrington Road). Turn left after half a mile on to B6246 (Accrington Road), into Whalley town centre. Take the 3rd right, which is still the B6246, on to King Street. Turn left at the next roundabout, which is still the B6243, on to Station Road. River Ribble crossed. After 2.5 miles, turn left on to the B6243. River Hodder crossed. After 2 miles, turn right on to Avenue Road. The Bayley Arms is about 30yds on the right. The postcode for the Bayley Arms is BB7 9QB, for use with Mordor’s own navigational devices. The journey from Saddleworth should take just over an hour. We will need to be in a position to deploy vehicles at 10:30, so get there a bit early.

 CARS.
A minimum of three cars are required. Surely, given the three-fold origin of our journey, this will not present a problem. I am not aware of the various vehicular combinations that are planned, though I’m sure that local agreements will have been made. One car (which will need to be able to accommodate the three drivers) will be left at the Bayley Arms. Items for Sunday evening and Monday morning can be left in that car’s boot. Then, from 10:30, we need to deploy the remaining vehicles at strategic places along the route. We’ll need one car at the bunk house in Chipping, or on the road, if space is limited, and one in Goosenargh (on-street parking, probably), from where we will commence our joyful endeavour. Items for Sunday’s walk can stay in a Chipping boot. All vehicles can be retrieved on Monday morning, or otherwise by arrangement twixt Middle Earthlings.
  
TENTS.
There is to be no hobbit camping, though there will be much in the way of camp hobbits. And elves, for that matter.

 PROVISIONS and MEALS.
The Lady of the Golden Wood has been scouring her baking trays for weeks, in preparation for that most holy of baking endeavours, lembas. Meriadoc will be providing apples. In recognition of the welcome, ever-wider-embraced trend of late, all are encouraged to bring hip flasks, charged with Gothmog’s Medicinal Moonshine, or some such. Stirrup cups are also welcome, naturally. You will need to bring your own water, though the erstwhile, Meriadoc-provided Ben Shaw’s variety is yet remembered with great fondness.

Provisions supplied by 3rd parties are the usual pub-based ales and meals. We're getting breakfasts on Sunday and Monday morning, at Tillotson’s Arms and Bayley Arms respectively. We have been told that we don’t need to book for tea on Saturday evening (at the Tillotson’s Arms, Chipping and Mario’s, Oldham (a little joke for Legolas, there)), though we will be aiming for eight o’clock. We’re booked for tea at eight o'clock on the Sunday evening (at the Bayley Arms, Hurst Green)

 FRIDAY EVENING.
There is to be no advance party, this year.

 SATURDAY.
All shall meet at the Bayley Arms (permission granted for leaving a car) in Hurst Green for vehicular deployment to commence at 10:30. With cars in place, we can start our imbibing at 11:30 in Ye Horns Inn (GBG2013-listed) in Goosenargh. This pub now boasts a brand new micro-brewery. As an urgent priority, we need to make good our HHX lapse, when Merry failed to offer his two-fingered farewell. The pub shuts at 3 o’clock, so that will be the latest time that we can take to the Path. Our walk to the bunk house (airbed/mat, sleeping bag and pillow required), Chipping is (very) approximately 5.5 miles, which should take us no more than two and a half hours. If we’re swift, we should be in a position to walk the half mile back to the Sun Inn by half 6, where we can enjoy a couple of scoops, prior to further refreshment and tea at the (GBG2013-listed) Tillotson’s Arms. King Leer 2013 will be fought out at one of these establishments, once a remotely willing Princess Leer is found/drugged/bribed/promised an encounter with Radagast. I also propose that we toast our absent friends who have departed the Path for whatever reason. Some may return; some may not. Yet let us remember, in a few moments of tankard-inspired reflection, Daddy, Fastred, Hob, Rorymac, Gormadoc, Radagast, Hildigrim and Hugo. We wish them well and may we, by the grace of the Valar, yet be well met.

 SUNDAY.
Any redundant gear need not be carried, as it can be left in the car that is staying in the bunk house car park, or on a road side near to it. Thence we shall march to breakfast at the Tillotson’s Arms, at an unholy time yet to be determined. And I said, “What about breakfast at Tillotson’s?” Our walk to the New Drop Inn is around 5 miles and should take us no longer than two hours. Here, we will abide and dine, if our potentially weighty breakfast has released our appetites enough. It opens at midday and bar meals are also served from that time. Though open until 20:00, we must satisfy ourselves with no more than a couple of hours I fear, for our afternoon walk will take us to the grounds of Stoneyhurst College, a former stomping ground of Mr Tolkien, and thence to the Bayley Arms, a further trek of some 6ish miles. Here, we will check in, bathe, dress, drink and dine (at 8 o’clock). I am happy to report that our DB&B outlay of £45.80 includes a credit of £18/Middle Earthling against our tea bill. I have got written confirmation of this from the establishment. Also on our drinking rounds, is the Shireburn Arms, which styles itself as “home to the Tolkien Trail”. We’ll be the judge of that! This will be one of those rare Hobbit Holidays, where all who walk the Path are tarrying until Monday morning. This is a delight which will surely delay the sense of looming pallidness, that early departures can so easily beckon. I have it on debateable authority that Fatty Bolger will be getting round in. And about time, too. Wheresoever we spend most of our time, doubtless there will there be the sharing of memories, bewildering references to The Silmarillion, editorial debates and traditional procedural closure.
  
MONDAY.
And the condemned, now men, ate a hearty breakfast at the Bayley Arms. Great sadness at the prospect of returning to the drudgery of the 4thAge. Sorting-out of cars.